Returning From Leave? 5 Tips to Keep You Sane.
Hello! Been a while! About nine months to be exact. And in that time we’ve weathered a pandemic, politics, OH - and I grew a human. I welcomed my second son this past August and returned to work about three weeks ago. As a coach who focuses on new moms and working parents, it’s really special to be able to live the experiences of those I coach. Going through this experience for the second time has really cemented some learnings for me. About to go through the process yourself? Learn from me and keep a bit of your sanity.
Remember that the return to work after baby is a process. You are not going to have it all figured out on day 1. You probably won’t have it all figured out on day 50. But you’ll slowly begin to build a new routine that allows you and baby to ease into the new normal of work and childcare. Many women who have spent years focusing on their careers have trouble with this. You have to let go of perfection. Which leads me to…
Be kind to yourself. As moms, we listen to too many “shoulds,” expect too much of ourselves, and judge too harshly. The best advice I ever heard during my first return to work was “Sometimes adequate is good enough.” It became a mantra of sorts. Today I am adequate, and that’s okay. It allowed me to accept what was and move on instead of spiraling into unhealthy and unproductive thoughts.
Include the whole family. Mom’s return to work is not just a transition for mom and baby, but for the whole household. It’s important to include all family members (and pets!) into the process so there is clear communication and understanding on what is going to change. Who will do childcare pick up and drop off? How do you share the responsibilities of getting everyone ready in the morning and the dog walked? Far too often, all baby responsibilities fall to the mom by default, causing feelings of resentment and making an overwhelming transition even harder.
Realize your priorities may be different now, and that’s okay. You’ve spent years building your career and you’re really good at it. Now you have a baby at home and it can be a bit shocking to the system when the things that mattered before may not feel as important now. Or the opposite - you’ve always wanted a baby, and now you find yourself really wanting to focus on work and feeling guilty about it. There’s no right way to feel about any of this. It’s okay if your priorities have shifted. You’re going to develop a new identity as working mom. Accept her and welcome her.
Remember you are not alone. I have never seen anyone try to do it all like moms do. If this time is feeling isolating or you’re feeling completely overwhelmed, please ask for help. There is no extra credit or mom points for doing it all on your own. In the end, you’ll end up burning out and nobody wants that. Find ways to fill your own cup, even if it’s just five minutes of listening to a Beyoncé song that really fires you up.
Whether it’s your first leave, second leave, or third. Each time is going to be different and have its own challenges and rewards. Live in the moment and if you want support through the process, you know where to find me!