The Growth We Skip: What Happens When We Avoid Discomfort
January is usually framed as a season of renewal. Fresh starts. Clean slates. Bold intentions.
And yet, the place where many of us actually get stuck isn’t a lack of motivation or clarity. It’s discomfort.
Starting the year with a focus on discomfort might feel counterintuitive. But in my work, as a coach and as a fellow discomfort-avoiding human, it’s often the avoidance of discomfort that quietly keeps us looping in the same patterns, year after year.
When “Forward Motion” Is Actually Avoidance
I’ve noticed a pattern in myself over time. When the going gets tough - emotionally, professionally, internally - I’m very good at finding a new “going.” A new project. A new idea. A new direction.
On the surface, it looks like momentum. Boy, am I busy! But underneath, it can be a subtle way of sidestepping the deeper work.
What I’ve realized is that by moving on too quickly, I miss the depth and growth I actually crave. The kind of growth that truly propels you forward instead of just keeping you busy.
I See This With Clients, Too
This pattern shows up often in coaching sessions.
There’s an understandable urge to skip past discomfort and jump straight into action:
“What should I do?”
“What’s the next step?”
“Can we just make a plan?”
And sometimes, after a session spent exploring feelings, tension, or uncertainty, it can feel like “nothing happened.” No checklist. No immediate resolution.
But that sitting-with-it - that careful, non-judgmental exploration of discomfort - is often where the real progress begins.
If we can’t allow ourselves to “be with” discomfort, we don’t actually move past it. We carry it forward, where it shows up again a week later… or a month later… or in a slightly different form.
Discomfort Isn’t the Enemy
Discomfort doesn’t mean something is wrong. It often means something important is happening.
When we slow down enough to notice it, we create space for:
acceptance instead of resistance
clarity instead of urgency
choice instead of reaction
This doesn’t mean wallowing. It means allowing discomfort to exist without immediately assigning it as a problem to be solved.
That’s where insight lives.
A Different Kind of Fresh Start
What if this year’s fresh start isn’t about doing more, but about staying a little longer?
Discomfort, when met with curiosity instead of avoidance, can open a door to true, lasting change. Here are a few reflection questions to get you started:
Where am I currently feeling discomfort, and what am I most tempted to do to avoid it?
What would it look like to sit with this discomfort for a few moments, without fixing it, judging it, or turning it into action?